My recent blog post on how to write your own biography proved to be wildly popular and I got tons of response and feedback, mostly from my mother (thanks Mom, love you!) To continue on this theme, I have written out a super-simple-fill-in-the-blank form for writing your own short biography when you are in a hurry. Note the asterisks for the underlined content:

19-year-old* Armenian/Brazilian** violinist, ______________, is firmly establishing a reputation as an emerging young virtuoso of exceptional promise.

* Only put your age if you are younger than 20. It is widely known that if you are old enough to legally consume alcohol, you are considered ancient in the classical music field. If you are older than 26, you really should not be writing a biography at all because if we haven’t heard of you yet, then it’s obviously for a reason.

**Diversity is highly encouraged. Do your research! (sponsored by ancestryDNA.com)

Praised for her maturity, stage presence, and technical prowess, ________ has taken the musical world by storm; “A true miracle” —the Chicago Sun Times*

* The shorter the quote, the better for today’s tiny attention spans. Plus it hides the fact that the full quote from the Chicago Sun Times was: “It was a true miracle that there was anyone left in the audience by the end of the concert, considering her numerous wrong notes and tone akin to placing a cat on a deli-meat slicer.”

She was recently the Bronze Prize winner* of the Competition Les Musicales du Centre**

* No one has to know there were only three applicants that year. Less is always more.

** If you haven’t placed in a known international competition, then make one up. There are thousands of them out there anyway; who’s to know?! Is this one real or fake, can you tell? (Fact: it’s legit)

_______ has played with major symphonies* around the world, and has taken social media platforms by storm with her clever and inventive way of marketing her unique brand of music making. **

*To the people of Charentsavan, Armenia, their little symphony orchestra IS a major deal! They were very excited to have the orchestra conductor’s niece perform with them, even if the orchestra did have to borrow their entire woodwind and lower string sections from a neighboring village. Remember: it’s technically not lying if you just avoid specifics.

** She can’t help it if she has a body like a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. She also can’t help it if her apartment has no air-conditioning and therefore she must film her Youtube and Instagram videos while wearing so little because of the extreme summer heat. People are watching these videos for her excellent Bach interpretations, I’m sure. Side note: this particular method, though easily replicated, is generally not advised for those who are 1) over 50, 2) male and without an active gym membership, or 3) in possession of a large quantity of body hair. However, if you have a combination of all three of these qualities, it’s actually a recipe for social media success… just perhaps not the way you intended. Proceed with caution.

In addition to her performing life, ________ is a dedicated music educator* and enjoys baking, knitting her own lingerie, and impersonating Lara Croft from the Tomb Raider video game series at Comic Cons all over the nation .**

*There is no shame in teaching; why are you even looking down here for sarcastic comments? You got a problem? For shame.

**She is every gamer guy’s dream woman.

And there you have it; a perfectly proportioned short biography, suitable for any musical situation, be it a website, news article, or music school application. A bio like this is capable of capturing and holding almost anyone’s* attention for at least 45 seconds, which is all a bio is expected to do anyway.

*Well, almost anyone’s attention except for the gamer guys. They don’t need a bio or fancy credentials; in this case a photo would be just fine. Preferably in the Lara Croft costume.

For all of the non-gamers out there, here is Ms. Croft

Musician Bio Mad Libs