The Beckthoven Blog
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What is a logo anyway? According to Google, it’s “a graphic mark, emblem, or symbol used to identify a professional company.” I know I can trust Google on this because Google also has a logo. Do you see the pattern??? Nike shoes: logo. Starbucks: logo. Target: Logo. The Titanic: NO LOGO….. that’s how important a logo is!!!
Ah, November. Cooler temperatures mean that folks across the country are sitting in their comfortable homes, drinking hot chocolate and modeling their newest flannel pjs and fuzzy animal slippers. Unfortunately, we do not have that option because it’s now radiator season in New York City and our current apartment temperature is equal to that of Death Valley, California, only with slightly less humidity.
I have seen strangers put their lives on the line for a runaway pooch. Taxis, potholes, and tiny Jewish grandmothers inching down the sidewalk on walkers are no obstacle for a New Yorker when a dog somehow slips his leash. Cries of “Somebody catch that dog!” elicits a bigger reaction than “Fire!”, “Help, I’ve been shot!”, or “Is anyone here a doctor? The baby is coming NOW!”
I think that musicians and concert marketing executives should sit up and take notice during football season. If we made symphony concerts more like football games, we might begin to increase our attendance to the level of the NFL. Or, if we REALLY do it right, to the level of a high school football game in Texas on a Friday night.
First of all you need money. A trust fund will do nicely, it doesn’t even have to be your own. If you have those kind of life-skills, I certainly won’t judge you for it. Ditto for pulling off a successful bank heist, acquiring a sugar-daddy, or rigging the state lottery.
Praised for her maturity, stage presence, and technical prowess, ________ has taken the musical world by storm; “A true miracle” —the Chicago Sun Times*
* The shorter the quote, the better for today’s tiny attention spans. Plus it hides the fact that the full quote from the Chicago Sun Times was: “It was a true miracle that there was anyone left in the audience by the end of the concert, considering her numerous wrong notes and tone akin to placing a cat on a deli-meat slicer.”
If you have never ventured inside a local market or grocery here in the city, be advised that it’s not an activity for the claustrophobic or vertically challenged. Imagine the entire contents of your local Kroger’s shoved into a space the size of your local 7-11. Shelves resemble skyscrapers and aisles are so narrow, they need one-way traffic signs. Shopping carts do not exist; only little baskets with long handles and gimpy wheels which must be dragged behind you and are somehow magnetically attracted to the top-heavy fruit displays and the shins of crabby senior citizens.
If you are a professional musician, or if you are simply trying to masquerade as one while you wait for your career to “really take off” (meaning you get two paying gigs in as many months), then you have had to compose your own Musician Biography for your website or concert program. Sometimes these biographies are disguised as other names, such as Curriculum Vitae (Latin for ‘An Exercise in Narcissism’) or more simply, “About” (if you are Canadian, “Aboot”)
If you are looking for a blog that can show you the way to get ahead in the frenetically-paced city of New York, how to make important and valuable connections in the classical music industry, and how to become a multi-million dollar recording artist playing only the music of Beethoven…. then please send me a message with the address of that blog. I need to read it too
I don’t like Hallmark Christmas movies. There, I said it. But hear me out; it’s not for the reasons you think! So quit sharpening that pitchfork, Karen, because hunting me down and placing my head on a spike is NOT in the Spirit of Christmas! What would Santa say?